Roy, did you just kill Christmas?
by kuragari nikkou
Summary: It was an accident, I swear! Don't kill me!" I have once again embarrassed myself...oh well, that just means I'm used to it by now.
1. He shot down Santa

All characters © their respective owners

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: Another story that you probably shouldn't take seriously.

-:-:-:-

"You do this every year, Roy. Don't you get bored of it?" The hero of time was questioning the red-haired boy general. The younger boy was setting up fireworks while Link watched on the night of Christmas Eve.

"Of course not. I love shooting off fireworks!" Link continued asking his questions until he was convinced the kid was actually listening to him.

"And you can't wait till the Fourth of July?" Roy turned to face Link with a small frown.

"I'd rather shoot fireworks on an actual holiday I celebrate." He turned back to his work and finished it off quickly. "Alright! All finished." He aimed a rocket towards the sky and let it loose when all of sudden…

OH MAH GAWD, METEORITE! No wait, that looks more like a sleigh. It looks like it's being pulled by flying deer with fake antlers. And they could hear some faint chiming of bells. Then they heard hearty laughter that was interrupted by the explosion of the fireworks.

Now they were hearing screaming as the sleigh and a mysterious figure fell out of the sky and crashed nearby. Link was almost speechless.

"Roy, did you just hit…?" The aforementioned pyro pumped a fist in the air.

"Yes! I'm getting coal this year!" Link turned to the red-haired kid and grabbed him by them shoulders trying to shake some sense into the boy.

"Roy, you don't just shoot someone down and cheer! Unless it's Ganondorf, Vaati, and or Dark me, but this guy wasn't Ganondorf, Vaati, and or Dark me!" Roy cocked his head looking at the other boy clueless and pointed out something.

"Where do you think that guy crashed?" The green-clad warrior let go of Roy and instructed him to follow him and find out where the sleigh went.

-:-:-:-

Good old DK was taking a peaceful walk this night when he had witnessed the sleigh falling out of the sky. Curious, he had shuffled over to where it crashed. And he saw the red-wearing Kris Cringle himself with a few injured reindeer, a broken sleigh, and a huge sack.

"You there! Please help him!" DK looked down to see a small reindeer talking frantically. "Some idiot attacked Santa, so you've got to help! Please?" He nodded and went over to pick the old guy up and take him to Dr. Mario.

"Hey look! It's DK! Yo!" Roy waved over to his fellow fighter before he cocked his head in curiosity. "Who's the old dude?" Then he looked down to see the same small reindeer talking to DK growl at him.

"We should probably get him to Dr. Mario quickly." Link suggested and the two nodded. They went to the clinic with the reindeer in tow.

-:-:-:-

"You'll be okay with a couple weeks of rest, sir." Dr. Mario advised to Santa's minor horror. I was lying. It was to Santa's MAJOR horror.

"But! The presents, and the children, and the Christmas! I can't be injured for two weeks on this night of all nights!" Dr. Mario crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"Look, we don't exactly have heart containers or any healing items until the next day, but considering the fact that you're a magical being; those won't work on you, so you'll have to heal naturally. I know it's your job and stuff, but you're not going anywhere on that leg." Santa frowned before turning his attention to Roy.

"I hope you're happy, kid. You just killed Christmas!" But that didn't work on Roy…

"That means I'm getting coal, right?" Santa facepalmed. What are you supposed to give to bad pyros? Oh wait!

"No, you're getting something useless and non-flammable." And the kid laughs.

"Good luck with that. I can burn anything; even human flesh," he unsheathed the Sword of Seals, "so don't tempt me, old man!" Dr. Mario grabbed the sword and threw it across the room.

"No attacking the patient, Roy." Roy nodded and then the door burst open revealing Marth who wasn't a happy camper. He started strangling Roy.

"How many times have I told you to control your damn pyromaniac needs and stop attacking people, you idiot?!" The younger FE warrior was trying to get Marth's hands off his throat while frantically apologizing.

"It was an accident, I swear! Don't kill me!" Dr. Mario broke it up and reproached Marth.

"Don't attack people in my clinic, Marth." DK was still there wondering why no one was wondering about the most important problem. Who's going to save Christmas?! And Santa was going to answer that problem with his attention turned to Roy.

"Kid, are you prepared to assume my responsibility and deliver presents to all the good little girls and boys?" Marth answered for his somewhat friend.

"Are you trying to save your holiday or kill it?"

"Roy's not exactly the best person to ask when it comes to saving…" Link added as well while Roy crossed his arms offended. Then Santa turned to DK.

"You seem like the best person to ask then." DK had a look that said _"Wha…?"_ "Will you assume my responsibility and deliver presents to all the good little girls and boys?" DK was thinking it over. He had a ship, Christmas was important, and it was either him or Roy.

He nodded a million times and ran out of the clinic to prepare.

"You guys are mean…" Roy commented.

-:-:-:-

DK was loading up his ship when Diddy came in with Samus, Zero Suit, Fox, Falco, Meta Knight, and Kirby.

"We heard the news." Samus started off when Zero Suit interrupted.

"What is wrong with that little punk?! Can't he give us a break on the holidays?!" Samus shut her up and continued with what she was going to say.

"And since we all have ships as well, it wouldn't be too much trouble to help deliver gifts and Santa did deliver some to…less than half of the world…and we're willing to help."

"We've got nothing better to do besides target practice, anyway." Fox added.

"And it's about time something exciting happened around here." Falco added as well.

"I figure this holiday is important enough and this will give Kirby a chance to work on his courier skills." Meta Knight gave his reason as well. Diddy leaped up into the air.

"So let's get started!" Fox opened up a hologram of a globe and they were discussing which quadrant each would be in charge of and what areas Santa had already covered. Christmas would be saved!

Or would it…?

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: My first three shot! Yay for me!


	2. Delivery!

All characters © their respective owners

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: Second chapter shall introduce complications and the Christmas ninja!

-:-:-:-

"All set! Let's move out!" Fox's voice commanded through the speakers in their ships and they all went flying. There was just one problem, albeit a very small and insignificant one…

"What about those?" Roy pointed to a small stack of wrapped gifts. And Santa's expression of major horror returns!

"Oh no! I recognize how they were wrapped. _These_ are wrapped perfectly without a flaw for the very best children who have been good all their life! And yes, there are people like that! Who's going to deliver these?!"

"Why can't I do it?" Roy offered.

"I don't want to kill my holiday and besides, you don't own a ship." Roy crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Sheik had made her way over to the clinic when she heard the news.

"Marth wants Roy to help clean up his mess, so I'm here to say that we DO have one ship left and Roy could deliver the remaining ones with it." Santa was still reluctant.

"I don't want to kill my holiday, Miss." She crossed her arms as well.

"You shouldn't have such little faith in him and no one else wants to do this on a holiday of all days." You've nary a choice now, old man!

"Well…fine... Carry on, Elfie girl." And Kris Cringle walked away leaving Sheik to wonder why he called her "Elfie girl" and Roy to wonder how to pilot a ship.

-:-:-:-

People don't lock their doors these days… DK walked right in stealthily with Diddy and they set the gifts underneath the tree. Then they stared at a small table that had a note on it that read: "For Santa".

…

On the table were laser guns…

"Don't children leave cookies and milk anymore?" Diddy asked in a whisper while DK just continued staring.

-:-:-:-

Zero Suit blasted a hole through the door. Luckily for them, this neighborhood had some _heavy_ sleepers, but that did not deter Samus's scolding.

"You don't blast a hole in a door to leave gifts!"

"The door was locked; what did you want me to do? And you should whisper less loudly!" Samus sighed.

"Just don't it at the next house, okay?" Samus dropped them off and looked at a small table that had a note on top of it that read: "For Santa".

…

On the table were a bunch of bananas…

"Well, Santa does need to cut back on the cookies and milk…" Zero Suit commented in a whisper.

-:-:-:-

Fox and Falco walked in through the back door.

"What is wrong with people's sense of security?" Falco shook his head as the two made their way to the living room to drop off the gifts.

"At least we don't have to go down a chimney and get covered in soot." Fox was looking at the bright side. But still, LOCK YOUR DOORS, people. They glanced at the table that had a note on top of it that read: "For Santa".

And miraculously enough, it had a plate of cookies and a glass of milk like a classic home would on the night of Christmas Eve. Wow, stupid people do things right for once!

"They should've left us lasers." Falco was not impressed…

-:-:-:-

And finally, Meta Knight and Kirby enter a home the right way! They slid down a chimney shaking off the soot afterwards and dropped off the gifts. Kirby got excited about getting cookies, but unluckily, when they saw the small table that had a note on top of it that read: "For Santa"…

…

On the table were lasers…

"Aw…" Kirby was so terribly disappointed while Meta Knight made his comment.

"What is wrong with the people of today?"

-:-:-:-

"…And that's how you pilot the ship." Sheik had just finished her lengthy explanation and turned to see Roy dozing off. She shook him gently and he woke up. "Did you listen to a word I said?"

"Well…I know how to start the ship and steer, but I'm not sure how to land it…"

"Eh. Good enough. Anyway, put this on." She tossed a red and green outfit his way. "You'll have to hide your identity just in case because…you're not exactly the greatest when it comes to stealth." In lieu of being offended, he just nodded in agreement.

-:-:-:-

Peach was baking cookies for Santa, but then she heard screaming, so she ran out of the kitchen leaving the oven on… _Wow…_ Oh well. She met up with Zelda who was with Santa holding a lifeless fairy's body while trying to stay stable with his crutches.

"This is a sad Christmas Eve when a fairy that symbolizes the spirit of Christmas has left the world of the living…" Zelda was kind of tearing up and Peach consoled her friend. "We should give her a proper burial." Then they noticed Ike strolling around and Peach dashed over to him.

"Ike! A fairy died! You have to attend the funeral with us!" she had already latched onto him crying about the sad tragedy and if a girl is attached to you crying then you shouldn't decline her invitation to mourn.

"Um…okay?"

-:-:-:-

"These clothes are kind of tight…" Roy fidgeted slightly in discomfort.

"I'm sure they aren't that bad. You look great in them." She led him over to a full-length mirror. He kind of looked like a red-haired Christmas-themed Sheik save for the blue eyes and the fact that he was kind of short and so was his hair.

"I kind of look like a Christmas you." That made the actual Sheikah laugh a little.

"Your identity shall be known as…the Christmas ninja… I didn't come up with the name, but you're supposed to tell kids that when you wake them up."

"Don't you mean _if_ I wake them up?"

"No, I mean _when_ you wake them up. You know it's bound to happen with your clumsiness." He pouted a little and a light bulb went off in Sheik's head. She pulled out one of those fluffy Santa hats and placed it over that upper part of the Sheikah's mask that Roy was wearing.

"Uh…what do I need this for?" She put her arms behind her and swayed a little while her face reddened slightly.

"Just as I thought; you look really cute in it." He looked away as tints of cherry appeared on his cheeks. Not that she could see it, since it was behind his mask, but it was still embarrassing!

"I'd better get going…" And he boarded the ship while his companion waved good luck.

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: One last chapter to go!


	3. The True Meaning of Christmas

All characters © their respective owners

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: I'm listening to this awesomely hilarious new song, "Merry Frickin' Christmas" by Frickin' A. Anyway, I am SO going to ask my creator to write a songfic with it!

This song is hilarious! You people should listen to it and who knows? You might even relate to it.

Hoshi: This chapter's not as "humorous" as the previous ones. This IS a humor/DRAMA, so there's a _bunch_ of drama in this chapter.

-:-:-:-

So, Roy pilots a ship and the time comes for him to land, or rather, for him to CRASH land…

"BRAKE! Where's the flipping the brake?! I'm going to die!" And…

CRASH! SLAM! SKID…!

"It's a Christmas miracle…I'm alive…" Roy had turned pale and was breathing heavily while trying to find a way to shut off the airbag. Once he had, he needed to contemplate something. "If Marth doesn't kill me, this thing will… Show some mercy and kill me quick 'cause I know Marth won't…"

He walked over to the house, slipped on a banana peel, and slid his way crashing through the house waking up a little girl. He got up feeling sore and cursed quietly.

"I am NOT a quiet ninja…" He then noticed the little girl with short black hair and hazel eyes holding a teddy bear wearing her pajamas. She yawned a little and directed her attention back to a very shocked Roy.

"Are you a friend of Santa's?" She asked in a quiet voice. He nodded dumbly not noticing that she had gone to get some bandages. When she came back, she had wrapped it around his arm. "You took quite a fall. I hope you're okay, but I still don't know who you are…"

"Um…I-I'm the…Christmas Ninja. I shot Santa down with some fireworks and I'm supposed to help save Christmas since I almost ruined it." She smiled sympathetically.

"It's good to take responsibility for our own mistakes." She looked into his eyes and smiled more widely. "You seem pretty cool and very trustworthy. It's a pleasure to meet you." The boy general continued to stare in awe. Talk about your precocious kid!

"Likewise…" He handed her the gift and she continued to smile that amazing smile. "Merry Christmas…" and he left still very speechless. "So people like her actually exist…" He got back into his ship, but paused to see the girl through the second-story window opening up the gift. Inside it was a bottle that the girl gave to a sick lady who looked to be her mother. He smiled before starting the ship.

She really must've been good all her life, eh?

And a Christmas tragedy had started…

"Hello Roy." He looked around briefly wondering where the hell that voice came from. He looked at a monitor that revealed a creepy monstrous face. "I am the queen of Viruses. When that foolish girl had given her mother that medicine, I had to escape somewhere else. So thanks to _you_, I was driven out of my home! Now let's go for a ride, shall we?"

The ship had launched itself into the air slamming Roy against the ceiling. He cried out in pain when the ship had jerked its way towards a skyscraper and knocked him against a metallic wall.

"I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer, kid…"

-:-:-:-

The second Christmas tragedy was about to hit the Samuses…

"Alright, let's go to the next house now." Then Samus's starship had been struck by a laser beam from a considerably strong cannon. "What the hell?!" She turned to her unarmored counterpart. "You alright?" Zero Suit nodded.

"Who the hell just blasted us?!" The monitor had suddenly flickered on revealing Dark Samus herself…and Dark Zero Suit… "You…"

"And just what are you doing in our quadrant, Sammie?"

"We're on a mission, so back the hell off!" Their ship had been shot in the hull this time.

"'Fraid I can't do that, Sammie. It's just a little thing called, PAY and BACK."

-:-:-:-

"Ready for the next one?" Fox asked his co-pilot when all of sudden…the third Christmas tragedy wanted to start…and the arwing was shot by a laser beam. "What the…?" He looked onto the monitor and took on an expression of annoyance and horror. "Damn, it's them!"

"You don't mean…!" The arwing was shot again. "Why? Why this night of all nights?!" He tried to find their laser weapon thing to fight back when the ship was shot again and the monitor flickered on. A bunch of teeny-tiny multi-colored game-and-watch things were squeaking angrily. The arwing was shot yet again.

"Falco." Fox was asking the bird that was still frantically searching for their weapon.

"Yeah?"

"We're screwed."

-:-:-:-

"Hmm…? Look, DK! It's Meta Knight and Kirby!" Diddy turned on the monitor and waved hello to his fellow fighters. Then…the fourth Christmas tragedy… "WATCH OUT!" The ships had collided into each other. Then a sinister grotesque face had flickered onto the screen of both ships.

"I have taken control of both of your ships and my dear older sister, the queen of Viruses is having some fun with your friend. Anyway, don't bother trying anything because you're all going to die eventually." It cackled like a psychopath while Meta Knight tried to fry her out of the system.

"You're the one who's going to die, you crazy…!"

"META KNI--!" Meta Knight turned around to see Kirby get shoved into an escape pod and shot out of the Halberd.

"Kirby!" He turned back to the monitor which still had the ugly face on it that was smiling its vile smile. "You won't get away with this!" The two ships had collided once more.

"On the contrary, I already have!"

"DK!" Meta Knight looked out the window to see Diddy in the same predicament as Kirby.

-:-:-:-

Ike looked up into the night sky and saw a few familiar spaceships exploding and falling. He was a little concerned, but he had to ignore it because Zelda signaled for him to pay attention.

"A moment of silence…" Santa had said while Peach, Zelda, and Ike remained silent. "Okay, how 'bout those cookies now?" Peach then realized something.

"I left the stove on!" She ran to the kitchen trying not to trip on her dress with Zelda and Santa in tow. Ike looked on wondering what to do. It was so disrespectful to do this to the dead… He left some flowers on the grave before bowing his head and then walking away when something bright had burst out of it and knocked him against a tree.

"Ow…" he shook off the pain and saw the presumably "dead" fairy dusting herself off before picking up the flowers he left.

"You decide to take a nap for a couple of years or so and someone tries to bury you!" she huffed crossly before glancing at Ike and smiling. "Thanks for the flowers. No one's ever left me these before when they thought I was dead…so as a thank-you, I'd like to grant you one Christmas wish."

"Can I wish that people would stop thinking I'm gay?" She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head.

"Sorry, I can't help you with your questionable sexuality…" He swore in his heavy disappointment, but realized that there was something more important than a problem that could be solved if he just ignored people.

"Can I wish that Christmas was saved?" She beamed and nodded.

"You're a good kid. Consider that wish granted!" He looked at her and appeared to be saying, _"I am NOT a _kid._"_ She laughed and used her all-powerful Christmas spirit powers to save Christmas. What? She's a fairy that's the physical embodiment of the Christmas spirit!

-:-:-:-

"Mr. Game and Watch! Are you okay?!" Peach was concerned over the 2-D man that was slightly charred up wearing a somewhat askew firefighter's hat. "I'm sorry I was so careless about the cookies!"

"It's okay. Nobody was hurt and it's not your fault. We all forget things sometimes…" he beeped consolingly and she smiled. Zelda was looking for some burn ointment while Santa grieved over ruined cookies.

-:-:-:-

_(Roy's POV)_

Damn… It hurts like hell… I don't think I can hold on any longer… That psychopath virus lady was cackling like a maniac again… I curled up into a ball trying to forget the pain and braced for impact…

-:-:-:-

_(Samus's POV)_

Damn crazy psychopaths…! I was okay because my armor took most of the damage, but I'm not sure if Zero Suit can hold on any longer.

"Bye, Sammie!" My starship was shot again! I had no more control…

"Brace for impact! We're going down!"

-:-:-:-

_(Fox's POV)_

Who knew those crazy mites would come back, pilot the abandoned ship we found them on, and exact their revenge upon us? It would be funny if we WEREN'T CLOSE TO DYING!!

"Fox, we're going down!" Falco yelled that, but he was still fighting back with the laser he eventually found. At least if we're going down, we're taking those hell-raisers with us.

-:-:-:-

_(DK's POV)_

This is bad. This is _really_ bad! Diddy's not on the ship. He's going to be in danger! Kirby wasn't on Halberd either. The ships are colliding into each other because of some evil virus lady. She's laughing again.

"DK!" I looked at the monitor. Meta Knight was still trying to kill the virus. "We're falling out of the sky! Brace for impact!"

Please be okay, Diddy…

Please let everyone be safe…

-:-:-:-

_(Normal POV)_

Santa's back-up team, AKA Roy, Samus, Zero Suit, Fox, Falco, DK, Diddy, Meta Knight, and Kirby, had simultaneously opened up their eyes to find that they were all back home, not about to die, and there wasn't a scratch on them.

"What…just happened?" Zero Suit broke the ice. Santa walked in also fully healed.

"I'm proud to declare that you've all learned the true meaning of Christmas."

"Shoot someone down and you take responsibility for it?" Roy suggested.

"Dark Samus is an evil psychopath?" Samus brought up.

"Dark Zero Suit dresses like a whore even on Christmas Eve?" Zero Suit…pointed out…

"Mites can pilot a ship?" Fox suggested.

"Mites are crazy and evil?" Falco brought up.

"Viruses are deranged?" Diddy pointed out.

"Keep a better eye on your students?" Meta Knight suggested.

"Kids don't leave cookies for you anymore!" Kirby freaked out. Santa mentally smacked himself after his brief concern that kids don't leave cookies for him anymore. What's wrong with these people?

"No. Just…no. Who cares anyway? It would just end up cheesy. Now, go thank your friend for wishing that you were okay." He pointed to Ike who just waved. Then the fairy appeared.

"And I granted that wish… By the way," she turned to Santa and fumed, "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA BURYING ME LIKE THAT?!" she flailed her arms crazily while Ike rolled his eyes. _Someone_ needed anger management…

"It's a good thing you guys found those viruses." Dr. Mario waved over to them. "I've been trying to hunt these vicious things for a while now. They won't be hurting anyone anymore for a _long_ time."

"But what about the gifts and stuff?" Diddy questioned. The fairy stopped being spazzy and began her short and sweet explanation.

"I'm the physical embodiment of the Christmas Spirit and when this kid," she pointed to Ike who still wore that look that said, _"I am NOT a _kid_."_, "made his wish to save this great holiday; the presents were delivered and everyone came home safe." Samus was already in close proximity of Ike.

"…Thanks…" he grinned slightly.

"You're welcome, Sammie." She hit him considerably playfully even though in reality it hurt pretty badly since she was wearing armor.

"Don't call me that…" Zero Suit was humming a certain _song_ that made her armored counterpart blush behind her helmet.

"Speaking of certain _couples_…" Fox had brought up and most everyone was looking at Roy who was still pretty clueless.

"Eh…?"

-:-:-:-

"Ike! Untie me!" Roy was glaring up at the taller guy from the chair he was tied to.

"No." Ike was leaning against a wall waiting for the second phase. And in comes Samus with Sheik right on cue.

"Wait…what's going on here?" Samus pushed her over to Roy while Ike hung the mistletoe in between the two stubborn teenagers and the two older people left quickly locking the door behind them.

"Hey! You forgot to untie me!" But that was the least of his problems… He was alone; with a girl he liked; under the mistletoe; locked in; and he was tied to a chair. "This is so awkward…" Sheik stared at the helpless guy sympathetically.

He was still in that Santa hat with those snug Christmas Ninja clothes on…

"Sorry…" How could she _not_ take advantage of this? Now her face was mere inches away from his as she gradually closed that gap in a kiss. With their masks still on, yes. Who cares if they aren't actually touching? A kiss is a kiss!

And you know you can't have Christmas without the mistletoe kiss!

-:-:-:-

Hoshi: Merry Christmas, people! Yes, I know this sucks. Give me a break!


End file.
